I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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