My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
