I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
