I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
