Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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