Buhtt sex?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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