2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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