Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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