We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
In America we eat man semen.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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