nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
