Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
