your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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