so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
my poor anus
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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