I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
