I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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