hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
