I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
pop tarts are not kleenex
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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