i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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