just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
