You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize