is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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