My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
