Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
His nipple licking is glorious
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