He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We left the knife in your bed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
