She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
is it fun? or sober?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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