its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
