You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
