If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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