Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
