margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
