Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
