Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
