and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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