it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
