DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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