Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
