I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
