I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
