All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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