You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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