wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
