Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
