I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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