when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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