Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
