I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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