It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
