Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
