Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
