He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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