If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
