How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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