I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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