On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
