so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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