Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
