Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
