just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
