the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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