I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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