Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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