He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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