she woke up with a sticky ear
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
