I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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