Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
