paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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