youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
only if we run a train.
done.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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