You can't special order awesome
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
