Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
