OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
