Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
