just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
