How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
