I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
