gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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