dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
