Soap is not a condiment
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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