how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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