"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
