would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
