When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it was like eating out sand paper
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
